We had my birthday party on Saturday which was fun. A few of my really close friends showed up and my son was here to also celebrate life with me. We had a photo booth and the whole nine yards. These are memories I will forever cherish. My best friends, Jenny and Chris, brought their Karaoke equipment, and I had the best time pretending like I was the DJ. Sometimes, it really is enjoyable to act like a child again. And believe me, I rocked the whole 80's theme! My oldest reached in his pocket and gave me $20.00 of the money he had worked so hard for. I hugged him and told him just how much I love him. He told me he wanted to always be by my side, even when I was gone. This was the most poignant part of my birthday. I nearly dropped. I nearly cried, but I didn't. I stayed strong because he rarely shows emotion. "You did good work, Shanna," I could hear my grandma whisper.
How many times in our lives do we stand at the threshold of making a difference? We evaluate the options and decide whether we want to get involved or just turn a blind eye and head home. Daily, it seems, we face numerous chances to make someone's life a little easier, even if it means ours may be a little more difficult. One of the commitments I am making for the time God has given me is to be the stranger who serves. To seek out chances and make a difference.
Time is precious. We talk about living every day to the fullest, but usually live most days like we have an endless supply. We don't. Mortality is an interesting thing. We all give intellectual acquiescence to the idea of our mortality, but we live as though we are really immortal. I understand why. If we are not careful, we allow the urgent to overwhelm the important when we assume that we can always make up for today by borrowing on our tomorrows. We leverage the future by sacrificing the joy of the present.
I have come up with an answer for those who ask me what they can do for me. I tell them: love deeply, live passionately, listen intentionally to God and then do what He says. If you can do that, when the day comes that you find yourself looking into the mirror of your own mortality, you will be happy with what you find.
My prayer would be that we could all look around and see what service we might be able to render to someone who hasn't a clue where the help is coming from.
"Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." -Psalm 139:16
All, not some or most, God has known about since before I existed. My life, my numbered days, are no secret to Him. He won't look up in Heaven one day and say wide-eyed, "I didn't know you were coming today. My how time has gotten away from me." I try to cling to this as I sit with my husband and kids...knowing just how much they love me every day.
Even before cancer, I wanted to be that woman who would rise at dawn and take a run before work. I have never been able to do that before in my life. And I am certainly not going to try now. But, I have always through the years prayed for energy.
I have always had health problems (even as a little girl). But, now I am tired for a different reason. One with a little more sympathy attached to it. The list of drugs I am on is an impressive laundry list. I can barely close my gallon Ziploc bag of medicine. Never in my life did I think I would end up here. But...here I am.
Today's devotion is a nice quote I need to remember every day and it helps ease my guilt about being sick all of the time and tired and slow: "Do not compare yourself with others, who seem to skip along their life-paths with ease. Their journeys have been different from yours and I have gifted them with abundant energy. I have gifted you with fragility...accept this gift as a sacred treasure: delicate, yet glowing with brilliant light...rather than struggle against it, allow me to bless you richly through it."
I will never run that 5k. Heck, I will no longer be able to walk the mile-track by my mom's house. I have time. I am not rushed. Now, I just need to remind myself that I am being blessed through it. An odd gift, but I do see how His gifts come in all shapes and sizes. Fragility? Hmmm. Who would have ever thought of that as being a gift?
Love you all and truly mean it and God loves you too,
Shanna xoxo
Here is the link to our Go Fund Me Page to help with medical and travel expenses: gofund.me/hope4shanna2016
Official blog Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/shannabananahealthandfitness
Official prayer warrior page for my fight against lung cancer: facebook.com/hope4shanna
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