She Reads the Truth

At our previous counseling sessions, she had suggested that I make videos for each of my children to have when I am gone. Basically, a "Legacy Video".  This is something I am looking forward to making and dreading all at the same time. I am pretty sure I will ramble on each one of their videos, but this is something I am determined to do. 

This is going to be a deeply emotional event (in fact, I can feel the tears starting to form just as I am writing this to you). It is the "final goodbye" and I will tell you that it will be one of the hardest things I have ever done. 

I would probably start out by telling them all how much I love them and how deeply me heart is attached to all of theirs. They are all so different from one another, yet, I can see parts of me in all three. I will talk to them about some of the issues they have all brought to me one-by-one (maybe some tough questions I did not know how to answer at the time), and remind each one of them of scripture that they need to learn to cling to independently somehow reminding them of me.

I will tell them how proud of each of them I am to have gotten as far as they have gotten but will remind them that we walk with faith and not by sight. And that they will need to remember that is the way God planned it; about the circumference of a flashlight but no further. If you could see life all the way to the end, who would need a Savior? It is trusting in what you cannot see and what you cannot always understand, that makes you stand apart from the others.

I will tell them they will still need a mother figure long after I am gone. And they have so many wonderful women around them who have agreed to step in for me when they need to text or have someone to just call and talk or ask questions to. Some have known them since birth, some since they were younger, but I will encourage them to use them for tough answers and also if they start to lose their memory of me ( I know their dad has most of this covered, but all children need a woman's motherly touch). 

My husband will know the perfect time to give each one of them their recorded messages. I know this will be difficult on him, but I trust that he will know when the cool breeze touches his neck one day.

So today. I read a devotional called “She Reads the Truth.” It is an online community of women who read short series together. There is the scripture and then alongside it, commentary that helps illuminate the scripture, often by adding practical applicability.

Last week I was trying to explain to someone why I write. Why I am so deeply connected to this blog. It feels as if I am propelled to do it. I explained although my career is over, I have never felt more fully that I am exactly where God wants me to be – in front of this computer staring out at the mountains behind it. And then this morning’s devotion. I am reading a seven day devotion on the book of Esther. My favorite book of the Bible. And I got to the verse that states: Who can say but God has brought you into the palace for just a time as this? Esther 4:14

Another translation reads: Perhaps you were born for such a time as this. And it was made perfectly clear. I am doing what God wants me doing. I just could not have dreamed it a year ago. Like Queen Esther, I feel deeply satisfied and squarely where I am supposed to be – writing for however long He wants me here writing.

I know many of you have been watching me tiptoe down the path with hospice to see how it all works. I am just as naive as most of you are about this organization and I continue to learn and admire their philosophy on patient care. As soon as I get out of the hospital, I will finally be a full-fledged patient of hospice. I think hospice is misunderstood as a whole organization. They are not there because you are giving up, they are there to help you travel into your next destination...wherever that leads you.

So, Monday morning, I will be able to tell you much more about Hospice and how that process all works.

One of my favorite verses to quote to left-brained scientific types (to me the hardest to have faith talks ) is this: But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13

And another: Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1.

Time is precious. We talk about living every day to the fullest, but usually live most days like we have an endless supply. Mortality is an interesting thing. We all give intellectual acquiescence to the idea of our mortality, but we live as though we are really immortal. I understand why. If we are not careful, we allow the urgent to overwhelm the important when we assume that we can always make up for today by borrowing on our tomorrows. We leverage the future by sacrificing the joy of the present.

I have come up with an answer for those who ask me what they can do for me. I tell them: love deeply, live passionately; listen intentionally to God, then do what He says. If you do that, when the day comes that you find yourself looking into the mirror of your own mortality, you will be happy with what you find.

I think we all have things, places, skills in our lives that we can give to help people in need and I don’t mean just folks who are blessed enough to have a beach house. I have always loved when a need is presented that looks as if there is no answer and God places the answer right before them.

Love you all and truly mean it....and God loves you too,

Shanna xoxoxo

Here is the link to our Go Fund Me Page to help with medical and travel expenses: gofund.me/hope4shanna2016

Official blog Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/shannabananahealthandfitness 

Official prayer warrior page for my fight against lung cancer: facebook.com/hope4shanna