Find the Joy in Living

   I have not blogged in two days! Oh my! That's a major no-no! Don't worry, I am doing just fine. I have been busy with the kids and the husband for the past two days and of course doctor's appointments. 

   Speaking of doctor's appointments, I saw Dr. Khan at UT Southwestern for the results of my scan. All good news so far! There is no change from the previous scan which means my cancer is not growing at this time and it is not spreading. YES! He referred me to Dr. Chu which is the Pulmonary Oncologist at UT Southwestern to pinpoint my breathing issues and of course to monitor my lung cancer. I still have lung cancer...but according to Dr. Khan, right now it is a weenie cancer. That means more time with my family. That is GREAT news for all of us! So, keep on praying...it seems to be working.

   Right now, we wait until my cancer begins to grow. He said that he could do radiation therapy on the left lung, but is not sure if it would cause more harm than good at this point. He is leaving that up to Dr. Chu which I go see on the 21st. 

   For the next three weeks, I have to have Iron Infusions (once a week). It seems like the iron is helping raise my numbers...so again, that is great news.

   I have been feeling my energy levels rise. I was able to not only fold and put away three loads of laundry today, but I was able to teach the kids and make my ever popular homemade spaghetti! Go me! Oh, and I chased our cat all day because she keeps trying to climb our Christmas tree. My poor tree looks almost bare of ornaments now. She has broken nearly every glass ornament I have. If you were to come over to my house, you would definitely be able to tell that a crazy cat lives here. I am definitely fixing this issue next year! GRRRRR!!

   The Shanna before cancer (BC) was quite the jock! Hands down, the energy level that has been drained from body has been the biggest change in my life from BC to AC (after cancer). I know that I will never fully be that old me; but the new me is starting to be a bit more active, which equals a happy Shanna.

   Since my surgery in September, I have been busy. I have felt like I have so many things demanding my time. Not so many important things, just things...lots of little things. I'm going to call it clutter.

   It dawned on me the other day that I am really out of whack. My number one priority is to be the healthiest person I can be (or at least that is what should be my number one priority). My job is to take care of myself.

   Well, that's not happening.

   Some how I got off on a bizarre trajectory to clutter land. I know it. Now it is time to get back to my center. I need to do some yoga and build some muscle mass; plan healthy dinners, get a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio daily, and communicate with my loved ones more.

   Since my surgery it has been slow going. Painfully slow. Eventually I'll get back to my happy grounded self. It would be nice just to see a glimpse of that person again.

   One day everything was fine...and then it wasn't.

   I want to scream, "Cancer, hit the road! I want to be done with you like an old fling...toss you out and never look back." That would be nice. But, not really realistic in any way.

   Right now, cancer has taken the back seat. I could not be happier about that. The lungs are holding steady; unlike my emotions. My emotions since having been diagnosed have been all over the place. 

   However; I know I cannot sit here and wait for my cancer to grow...and all the what if's that come with it. I am going to do something every day that distracts me from cancer land. When I teach the kids, I don't even think about my cancer. I typically only REALLY think about it when Kevin is at work. That is when I blog...at night.

   Having lung cancer has forced my husband and I to talk about some pretty heavy topics. Before we found out the good news, we would regularly talk about death and dying. I know one day my cancer is going to kill me, but for now, it is stable and wimpy. So, right now, we can put those heavy topics on the back burner.

   My mission...find the joy in living. Today my joy was being able to teach the kids and cook dinner all while being off of my oxygen. Today, I found joy in living. I must find the joy in living every single day and not allow my cancer to burden me the way it has. 

   Today, I felt good in my body. I was able to pry myself out of bed and be productive. I call that a GOOD day!

   Thank you God for giving me the gift of time this Christmas.That is all I asked you for...and you delivered. By His Stripes, I am healed! Thank you to all of you who are continually praying for me. I love you all! You are the reason I was granted more time with my family...and I am so grateful to each and every one of you.

   Love you all...mean it,

   Shanna   xoxoxo

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