Eat the Avocados

   Today, I had my first out of four Iron Infusions. The medicine looks like rusty water (it's not pretty at all). KB got to be there with me, and the minute we walked back into the infusion room, he started to cry. Everything just felt REAL for the first time for him. It saddens me that because of my illness, my whole family is running a plethora of emotions and I feel helpless to stop it.

   The nurse that gave me the infusion asked me what kind of cancer I have....and when I answered lung cancer, she looked extremely shocked. She couldn't believe that someone so young could have lung cancer. And then she did it...she asked the question all lung cancer patients HATE, "Did you smoke?" I could just scream every time I hear that question! Like I deserve to have cancer because I smoked?? My oncologist told me that my cancer could not have been caused from smoking because I did not smoke for a long enough period of time. It doesn't really matter, no-one deserves cancer!  I hate the stigma. Maybe one day, the whole stigma will change. 

  Tomorrow we travel back to UT Southwest to find out the results of my scans and get some lab work done. He may put me in the hospital for blood transfusions if my hemoglobin has not gone up, so please say a prayer for me that it has increased. I am so nervous about my scans. 

   If the nodules have not grown in size, they are going to do another thoracotomy on the left side. And it's not like I want them to grow, I just don't want to EVER go through that again. He wants to biopsy all of the nodules to make sure they are all cancerous before administering any treatments....that includes the one on my adrenal gland and the one on my ovaries. Bleh! More procedures. I should expect it, but it still does not make the anxiety any better. 

   Ahhhhhhh cancer...the gift that keeps on giving.

   My goal is to change the face and stigma of lung cancer and provide motivation and inspiration to those in need through my words. I want my readers to feel as though they can connect with me on some level, even if they don't have cancer. I have real life problems that everyone has...and I blog about those too. My strength only comes from my wanting to survive for my three children. Everyone would rise to the occasion if faced with something traumatic. Strength is a natural instinct that we all have.

   You don't have to yell to make an impact.

   I'm very comfortable and open about my disease; sharing my story is a way of being an advocate. There is nothing more comforting than knowing that my story could save someone's life.

   I have always had a tendency to overcommit myself. I do best when I have three things or less to do a day. I know, sounds very under-committing, but it's perfect for me, right now.

   I no longer do well with a long list of things to accomplish. I get stressed out. I start forgetting things. I get hungry and spacey. I binge watch Investigation Discovery. I criticize myself for not exercising. It makes for a pretty sad day.

   I prefer days where I can lounge around wearing my pj's all day and drink coffee. And of course watch movies with the kiddos and my hubby. I need things simple and I like them simple.

   If there was any advice I would have given to my formerly non-sick self, or maybe you, would be this:

   Eat the avocados. Love yourself down to the marrow and out past the rind. Make stalwart enemies out of good people who will hate you with their whole hearts, make it mutual and unconditional and this way, you will never be alone with love. I don't want to be finite, but the fact that we are is what makes even the terror exquisite! So step out from behind your walls, let the world rush forward- rise to meet it! Turn your precious attention toward's God's tangible gift, the physical world, and while you've still got the chance...let your beloved skin salt in the wind.


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   Love you all!! Mean it!!

   Shanna xoxoxo