On a positive note, we have angels looking out for us this year. These angels have offered to buy my kids Christmas and pay a couple of bills to ease the burden of everything cancer is doing to our family. Cancer has cost me my car...and now I am being threatened with losing my home. My husband works so hard for us...this would all be easier if my lawyer would just hurry up and get my SSDI which I was supposedly already approved for.
In other news, we printed my Will the other day. Now, I just have to find some witnesses who have nothing to do with my Will to sign it. It's always good to have a plan but a pain to get details down on paper. If it does not happen that way...eek! I'd like to say something goofy like "that would kill me" but truth is, it would not. I would deal with it just like I deal with all the other crap that comes my way.
Even though my cancer is not growing or spreading right now, I always have to have a plan...for you know, just in case. I would not want to leave that burden on my family. Even if you don't have a terminal illness, everyone should have a plan, because let's face it...we are all going to die.
Most people tell me not to let cancer take anything away from me.
Huh...what an interesting concept. However; cancer has taken so much from me. It has taken away a job I absolutely LOVED and left me to sit here and watch my husband struggle with all of the bills. Cancer has taken away my car...it has. Had I not have had to go to CTCA, we would have never become behind...and by the way, we were only $171.68 behind, which while the tow truck driver was here, we paid. They took my car anyway. Thanks cancer. Cancer has taken away my energy which takes away so much from my kids and my family. So, cancer has taken loads of things away from me. I don't let it. I didn't give my things away. Cancer took them.
Having lung cancer in your thirties comes with lots of loosing without giving. The most devastating is that cancer has taken my ability to think that life always works out for the better. I suppose I was fortunate to have this total optimism until age 34. Still I hate cancer for taking this from me.
Cancer does its taking at will. I suppose what we give it, voluntarily, is a more important thing to recognize.
Life has a way of showing us that we are not in total control. For many, it is not severe as a cancer diagnosis...simply the electricity flickering off and resetting the alarm clock on a work night can be enough of a reminder.
Lately my life has felt too out of control. My go-to way to get control back is to clean and organize! It's crazy I know, but for me it is a display of ultimate control. I say what food gets tossed from the pantry. I say where the toy boxes will be stored in the garage. I say...I say...I say. Finally, I get to be Dictator Shanna.
Exerting some control, even over tiny things, brings me an acceptable balance back into my life. I may not have all the say, but at least I have some.
I am an able disabled person. I am a non-sick sick person. Striving to be grateful for every day. And blessed because I know God is holding me right now.
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Still catching up on your blog. I'm so sorry for the double pneumonia and broken rib! I've had double pneumonia and for over a year. I broke 11 ribs total that year and ruptured my stomach and esophagus...oh how I feel your pain and I too was in my thirties. My doctors and I didn't think I would survive the first 48 hours but here I am nine years later...still very ill but I made it and of course I didn't have horrible mean cancer but don't you dare give up! You are strong! There are truly so many angels and praise God for yours and these precious gifts! Contact your mortgage company to see what they can offer you..there is a lot of help out there, even if your credit isn't good. They have a lot of different programs. Call or go to HUD.gov as they can help with more than your mortgage..they can help with medical bills, meds, etc. Call your lawyer every few days! Your last blog was so good. I hate what cancer has taken from you and your family! I don't have cancer, but I know what it's like to loose everything, your dreams and hopes for your future, time from your loved ones and special memories because you are too sick to hold your head up or get out of bed...friends that weren't really friends, even family that left me but God never did. Stay strong and keep fighting this battle. (I hope you don't get tired of my msgs but you are always on my mind...I feel like I understand so many of your feelings and have been through so many of the same things you are going through, even though I don't have cancer my illnesses have felt like cancer...the cruelty of illness is unbelievable but we must remain faithful and fight!) Hugs and even more prayers coming your way! Cindee @ Cindeeroach@gmail.com
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