I had a chest tube removed today (immediate relief). If the Chest X-Ray shows that my Pneumo is clear, the other tube will get to come out tomorrow. Now, as long as all of this stays in motion and does like it is supposed to do, I get to go home. So, let's keep our fingers and toes crossed and keep praying. I have been in the hospital for 9 days...9 days too long.
My appetite has been crap since surgery. I have barely eaten anything. I have to have Ensure with all of my meals now to make sure I get the proper nutrients I need. Yuck...I am not a fan.
Oh! It's Thursday! On a positive note, my Grey's Anatomy comes on tonight and I super stoked! Yes, I lead a very very exciting life. Don't be jealous. Seriously though, I would not trade my life for anything in the world.
I know people who have faced cancer and who have claimed that they were grateful for the disease. I've even heard it referred to as "a blessing" by a select few.
I will tell you right now that I will never be one of those people. Yes, I have learned a lot about who I am since I have been ill, but I will not show gratitude towards cancer in any way. I have always known that I hated cancer and I could never see it as a blessing. EVER.
Everything happens for a reason...that is something I do believe to be true. Yet, today, I feel the whole "why me" part of cancer. That is probably something we all do. I am so scared of what's to come...and of what my oncologist will tell me when all of my tissue comes back from the Mayo Clinic.
God is my best friend...and I have been having millions of talks with him lately. I am looking for peace...but I cannot find that peace until I can accept this disease. And the only way I can accept cancer is with God's help.
I can honestly say that I have hit a low point in my life. I really never even stopped to think that the tissue biopsy could yield cancer because the nodules were so tiny. So, cancer was not even a thought in my mind. I am taking a step-back and assessing the situation. I am formulating a plan, not only to survive, but to prevail.
pre-vail
pri-v
verb.
i.
prove more powerful than opposing forces; be victorious.
"it is hard for logic to prevail over emotion."
My first priority of course is to make sure my kids are taken care of. I give them the education they need by homeschooling them, but if something should happen to me, I already have a plan in place to keep on going.
My next priority is treatment. I need to find out what kind of treatment I am going to be going through and face it head on. My Army consists of God and his Angels...so bring it on!
My extremely gay nurse (I can totes point this out since we are buds now) is going to take me gambling as soon as I heal. We are going to make a day out of...go casino hopping instead of bar hopping. LOL I love this guy. He makes me laugh and laughing hurts right now lol.
My sweet daughter is spending the night with me tomorrow. We are going to have a miniature slumber party at the hospital. The news of my cancer has hit her so hard....and I hope it didn't cause any major step backs.
Well...my eyes are screaming ugly things at me so I will call it a night!
Don't forget to subscribe to me!
No comments:
Post a Comment