I Have Cancer

    I have cancer....three words I never wanted to say out loud. I have cancer...and it has never once been autoimmune. I have been getting the wrong treatments for over a year. I am so glad that I know my body and have been so persistent with my health. The type of cancer I have is Adenocarcinoma. We are waiting for the tissue samples to come back from the Mayo Clinic for staging. That could take seven days...but at least I have a name. I am 35 years old and fighting lung cancer. I cannot say that I am not afraid because that would be such a lie. But, I can tell you that I have a wonderful support system by my side and my faith is unwavering. I know that I will beat this. I have no choice but to beat this...my three kids would be extremely angry if I didn't. I cannot let them down.
   I have cancer and it fucking sucks! It really fucking sucks. But, it is not unfair. Unfair is being treated differently because of your skin color, dress, or sexual orientation. Unfair is being beaten by strangers or not having food in your refrigerator. That is what unfair looks like. Cancer is a part of life. It is a part of my life. But, I have everything I need to beat it...the best medical team, the most amazing support system, health insurance, and the will to get through it. 
   I now know a cancer diagnosis has helped me learn so much, and maybe this was a wake-up call to take a deeper look at my life. And that all those people who told me I'll get through it and be a stronger person because of it were actually maybe right! 
   I learned that the love and support of my amazing family and friends is a very powerful gift. My relationships with many have moved to a higher level, and I have bonded with my family closer than ever before.
   I have developed a strong sense of self. I realize I have control over doing more of what makes me happy and leaving behind the things that drain me. 
   I have grown spiritually and feel closer to God and a deeper sense of peace as I go through each day.
   I gained a new perspective on life. Our time on earth is limited, whether we have cancer or not. The key is to live your life to the fullest, moment by moment, and day by day.
   I really and truly am finally fine.
   Being told I have cancer, especially lung cancer, was the scariest moment in my life. After the initial blow of being told I have cancer, time has seemed to sped up. I have become more and more aware of my mortality. I had to tell my children that I have cancer...and it has really take a toll of my daughter. Bubble wrap would be nice right about now. 
   With all of this that goes on, I still search for that laugh, I still appreciate the small things. My motto is that I will do as much as I can for as long as I can. Each day is one more day than I had before. There is no joy in cancer, but when you live to see one more day, then you find joy in life. \Make the most of this day. Whatever that means to you, whatever you can do. No matter how small it seems to you. Don't waste it. 

<3 And love and lots of xoxoxoxo-Shanna