10 Days

  Well, it has been ten days since my surgery and ten days since I have seen my dog. They took me off oxygen to see how I would do at room air. I have been off oxygen since 1 P.M. today and my pulse ox is staying steady at 95%. I had the central line removed today! Now, only one chest tube remains and as long as everything stays like it is right now, I get to go home in the morning! Yes! Finally! 
  My daughter is staying the night with me tonight. We had a little pizza party in the room....and now we are hanging out in our pajama's watching LaBamba. 
   Dr. Roque, my oncologist, came to see me today. She was just wanting to check in on me and make sure I was handling everything okay. I suppose I am handling this better than I should, or maybe it really has not hit me just yet. I asked her what stage I am in and she said stage III but only because of the amount of nodules that are present on my lungs. The good thing is that they are limited to my lungs...and have not spread. Thank God for that.
   Tristan asked me more about it today than he has. Of course, the natural question any kid asks when they hear the word "cancer", came up, "Are you going to die mommy?". Ya know, I try and be  as honest as I can be with my kids, but I can't tell them yes or no to that question. Honestly, nobody has the answer to that question...cancer or not. So, I just tell them that I am in God's hands the same as they are. Nobody is promised tomorrow. 
   Cancer is a scary word no matter how it is used. And I hate that my children have to be brought into the world of cancer because of me. The guilt I feel is immense. I hate that for most of their lives, I have been sick. I would give anything to change it but I cannot. All I can do is pray for a better tomorrow for them. I have to live my life with no regrets because I have told my children they have to do the same. I need to practice what I preach and become a stronger force for my children. 
   You know, when you lay there with very little strength in your body, the devil will take that opportunity to tell you that you are weak. You are only what your body is physically capable of. However; this couldn't be further from the truth. Our strength comes from within, and God is within us. Yes,our bodies may let us down, but God never will. God is our strength and our hope. I have hope for a future without cancer. There is no need to worry about the time, God is always on time. I only need to be still and wait. 
   For now, I have this gorgeous sweet little daughter of mine that needs some cuddle time with her mommy. 
   Love Always,
   Shanna