It has been a rather uneventful week, which is good comparatively speaking. And although one person set out to try and wish me harm because of his hatred for my spouse, I am going to be the bigger person and let it go...and kindly ask God to speak to his heart. Apparently, this person truly needs to turn to God and ask for help for whatever makes his heart so angry. The pre-cancerous Shanna would have lashed back, but she is silently tucked away knowing my God will handle those who trespass against us.
We have decided to move to Dallas. Yes, I am always going to be a small town girl (shout-out to my Sweetwater peeps!), but I love the big city lights. I am drawn into the fast pace of a big city so long as I do not have to drive in it! Dallas is where all of my doctors are and so this of course makes more sense. My oldest is the only one who is not extremely happy about this move, but he finally has an understanding (somewhat anyway) of what it means to be grown-up and have responsibility.
Do you realize I have almost written 200 blogs? That is fascinating! I began writing this blog about the story of my misdiagnosis, then my diagnosis, the incredible tale with the expected pain, horror and shock, but also a tale of profound beauty, love and compassion. I have been searching for one hospital since being diagnosed...one who will take the time to hear me and realize how truly terrified I am. My mom reminded me of my song that a therapist told me reminded her of me, "Learn to be Still" by the Eagles. I get it. I had to be still enough to make sure I was hearing God enough to know I making the right choice for my care. And I was.
You have to find your stability. I am working on finding my own stability when it comes to balancing a life that involves cancer and fully living too. It is a daily struggle, but it is a struggle that I am conquering at least today thanks to God.
I realized that Dr. Chiu believes in me. He believes he can prolong my life and he believes I have what it takes both physically and mentally to get there myself. We both know that I will ultimately succumb to my illness, but he believes he can keep me here a little longer. Maybe, he believes in me because he is just human and his belief is based on a desire to see me cured as much as he can, even though he knows its against the odds. Whatever the bases for his belief, I know that he, Dr. Chiu, my pulmonary oncologist, the man who is quarter-backing my war against cancer, has that belief. Dr. Chiu doesn't know what the future holds, nor do I, only God knows, but to know that my oncologist believes in me strengthens and comforts me in a way that nothing else could.
I tell this story because I have been feeling tremendous gratitude to all of you, some of whom I have never even met, who have believed in me throughout this journey, who have believed when mine and Kevin's faith faltered, who have stood by in a show of support for the kids, Kevin and I...it truly humbles us.
By the time I was diagnosed with cancer, I felt like I could recognize the hand of God in my life, that invisible force of goodness that I cannot begin to comprehend intellectually or explain rationally, but that I can feel in my heart and soul in my rare moments of stillness, when I am moved by unearthly beauty or a profound truth or struck unwillingly with a sense that some happenstance of what actually is meant to be.
God lives in me. He breathes in me. He is my voice of reason. I feel Him all of the time. And it is true, once you get a terminal illness, you begin to get closer to God. I think you can actually really start feeling His gentle hugs around you. I find comfort in believing that He is always by my side.
Love you all and truly mean it (and God loves you too),
Shanna xoxoxo
LUNGevity National Hope Summit: I'm participating in an event to raise money to fight lung cancer—and I need your help!
I'm planning to attend LUNGevity Foundation's National HOPE Summit in Washington, DC, in May - it's a special conference just for lung cancer survivors like me. If I can raise $1000 or more in donations, LUNGevity will cover my travel expenses, including US round-trip transportation and hotel accommodations.
Proceeds from this fundraiser will benefit LUNGevity Foundation, the leading private provider of research funding for lung cancer. LUNGevity Foundation is firmly committed to making an immediate impact on increasing quality of life and survivorship of people with lung cancer by accelerating research into early detection and more effective treatments, as well as providing community, support, and education for all those affected by the disease.
Please join me in my efforts to stop lung cancer—the leading cancer killer—now!
Official prayer warrior page for my fight against lung cancer: facebook.com/hope4shanna
Official blog Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/shannabananahealthandfitness
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