Happy Thanksgiving to all of my amazing readers! I hope you've all eaten your weight in turkey and dressing. As for my family, because of everyone's work schedule, I don't get to eat Thanksgiving Dinner until Sunday (yes, I'm pouting).
The kids and I spent our day deep cleaning. I was able to do five loads of laundry (it's a never-ending job), disinfect my bathroom (minus the toilet...that's Kevin's job), dust, vacuum, and clean all of our mirrors. In case you were wondering where I got all of my energy from, it's Prednisone...again. We are getting the house all ready to decorate for Christmas. Dragging all of the stuff out of the garage and killing spiders will be Kevin's fun task.
I saw my primary oncologist yesterday, Dr. Roque, and although she seems nice enough, I think I'm just going to either go to CTCA or UT Southwestern. She told me that "she doesn't think that the cancer has metastasized"...and though that's great news, I'd like a doctor to tell me that they know it has not spread. I have all of these nodules popping up on my wrists and feet, which she didn't even check the ones on my feet, and she said, "we will just have to watch those".
My frustration lies in the unknowns...the "I'm not sure"...the "we will just have to wait and see's". I want answers. I want to know that right now I'm going to be okay. I want doctors that are confident in my case. I've only felt secure in two places so now I have to choose.
Doctor's should never say I think...they should be certain, especially when you have a disease that you know will kill you at some point in time.
I loved the kindness at CTCA and I loved how important they made each cancer patient feel. I love how much they have for children to experience...and, I love that the kids and Kevin have so many counseling options at CTCA. My only downside is distance. My next appointment with CTCA is not until January. I have plenty of time to choose.
UT Southwestern is different in their approach. You feel more like a patient. The setting is completely different from that of CTCA. My primary oncologist, Dr. Khan, seems genuine, direct, and very matter of fact. I am scheduled for a cat scan, a repeat MRI of the brain because something small showed up from CTCA, another PET, and a bone scan at the first part of December. Needless to say, they are prepared. Then, they see me on the 8th to discuss my scans and any treatment plans they may want to start. I have a very hard decision to make.
When you have cancer, you have to find the very best. You have to feel like you are just as important as the last patient they saw. You have to be able to have a very good professional relationship with your team of doctors. That's the kind of care you deserve, regardless of your age, or whether or not you have kids. We all deserve the best care possible. We all deserve a doctor to know just what they are looking at and how to treat you, and if they cannot, they need to refer you elsewhere.
So, now that I'm done ranting, December is going to be such a busy month for us. Besides Dr.'s appointments I am hoping to fight and get my SSDI before Christmas. My attorney is so slow. I am going to have a really great Christmas regardless because my best friends arranged something really special for the kids and Kevin and I. We also have to plan a benefit in December.
Any money we raise will go into a savings account and be saved for travel, medication, co-pays, and medical expenses that we will incur. That goes for our Go Fund Me account as well. My husband is the only one able to provide for us...and yes, it's a story everyone has heard a million times, but I'm really just trying to fight this cancer with every ounce of strength and energy I have, and unfortunately, it costs money to do that. But, I will not make anyone feel like you have to give. If you could just pass the word on or post our page on your Facebook, that really is helping more than you know. And, I will post more information about my benefit as it comes.
It has done nothing but rain here all day. This has been my first chance to find some quiet time to write. I love listening to the rain. Rain has to be one of the most peaceful sounds I have ever heard. I also enjoy the occasional little rumble of thunder. I'm definitely going to sleep good tonight.
My husband is off tonight so he is in the living room playing his baseball game on the PlayStation. The youngest two are playing army in their rooms, and my oldest is relaxing after working in the rain all day. That means mommy gets to be alone with her thoughts for a little while.
I am severely anemic so I have to have doppler studies on my legs to make sure the oxygen is flowing in them and I have no blood clots. I'm supposed to be scheduled to do that on Monday. Maybe the anemia is why I have such terrible leg pain. That's easily treated.
As the holidays approach I often am reminded of how blessed I am to even be here. I think it’s important for everyone to really stop and think about everything that we are THANKFUL for. A lot of times I find myself complaining about what I don’t have…. I would like a new house, new clothes, shoes… ect…. But I often miss the big picture… I think a lot of us miss the big picture. I am so blessed and should constantly be incredibly thankful that I am even alive.
I think we should stop and be thankful every day of the year.
I think it’s important to remember everything that we do have and everything that we should be thankful for! It’s easy to complain about what we don’t have or what we would like… but during the holidays lets all try to do a better job of realizing our blessings and being thankful for everything we have. Spend time with your families and friends, eat lots of food, enjoy the laughter, enjoy the stories, enjoy time with family that you don’t often see, take in those moments because you never when they will be cut short.
Praise Him in all of your blessings and find hope in His promises to you. There is always a reason to keep living. There is always something to be thankful for.
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