Toddlers and Nap Time

  I have not been keeping up with my blog like I should be and to my readers, I sincerely apologize. I have been busy babysitting and teaching,,,which has definitely helped my depression. The little boy I have been watching tells me he loves me snd he gives me lots of hugs and kisses.


I've lost over 50 pounds in six months. I don't eat. There are days when I am too weak to walk from my bedroom to the living room, but now that I am babysitting, I force that weakness to go away and I truly live, He does wear me out, but that's because he is 4.I'm not used to a toddler around lol, 

1. I do have bad days. Some days I feel slightly weaker than others. But right now I'm feeling all right. My mood is good; once I start functioning on an intellectual level again, I feel like there's a reason to go on existing, but when I feel as awful as I did last week, I really long for the promised coma in which I will feel no pain. I don't see any point in living just to feel pain and suffering--that's where I draw my "quality of life" line, although I know
   different people will draw theirs at different points. In some religions, I know, pain and suffering have value and meaning in themselves (one of many reasons why I don't have much interest in religion). But now I still see things I can do both in support of hospice/end of life issues, as well as in the psychiatric survivor movement. And to me, work gives meaning to life.

Love you all and God loves you too,

Shanna xoxo