Between Heaven and Earth

My kidneys have taken a turn for the worse.  I have had trouble with them since I was a little girl. But, now, I sit in a hospital room praying for pee while waiting for dialysis. It is just one more thing to add to my already long list of medical problems. My Wegner's Disease is active again which is why my kidneys are failing. Not even the chemo is helping.

I keep hearing, "There's nothing more we can do. You really need to be on Hospice." 

These words leave no room for hope; they make a transition to comfort care a much feared and often avoided final destination.

Yet, here's the reality: More can always be done. More importantly, patients know exactly the "more" they want. The real question is, why don't we ask?

I know a lot of you do not know me, but let me just say that I do believe in miracles. I do believe I am in the hands of God. Maybe it is time to sit down with all of my doctors and have a come to Jesus meeting, as we say in the South. 

For me, I live between two worlds, one foot on earth and one foot on heaven. I don't sweat the small stuff anymore. I am freed by a lot of things that you, the reader, are not. I no longer try to envision what living in a nursing home would be like. The stock market has no effect on me. I no longer wonder when I can retire. I no longer wonder what I will look like at 70 or 80. I tell people I love them freely. I eat ice cream whenever I want.

I am much more focused on my movement toward as time slips by and I am very cognizant of every day, of everything. I experience things so acutely now. The leaves turning this fall have never been more beautiful. Every time my children wrap their arms around me and tell me they love me, I am overwhelmed with love for them. I am overwhelmed with love for others...for all of you who reach out to me, and then my overwhelming love for God. I am not sure how much time I have left, and yes, I do feel like I am living in two worlds. I am at peace with that.

We are all mist. Knowing that I cannot do everything anymore, releases the stress allowing me to at least be able to do some things.

Love you all and truly mean it and God loves you too,

Shanna xoxoxo

Also, we have started the fundraising campaign again because aggressive radiation is not cheap nor are our travel expenses. The link to donate is gofundme.com/hope4shanna2016.

Official blog Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/shannabananahealthandfitness 

 

Official prayer warrior page for my fight against lung cancer: facebook.com/hope4shanna