This has been the most normal week I have had in a while. I saw my primary care physician with Damion on Tuesday because Damion has been having trouble breathing. His asthma is acting up. So, he was given Brio and Symbicort as well as a rescue inhaler. I gave the doctor the list of all the medicines that Hospice had me on and he took me off some of them (Thank God). I was given a referral to an osteo oncologist and a new oncologist that comes to Gainesville to see patients.
Damion has been breathing so much better since he got his medicine. Tomorrow he turns 19.
Where has time gone? I am doing something great for his birthday at the end of this month. I
think he will absolutely love it.
I have been a little out of sorts for the past few days. Other than the obvious, I don’t know why. Maybe the obvious is enough. I awoke this morning and did my usual routine. And then scrolled down Facebook and saw an article about Charlie Brown. Don’t even get me started on that sad little Christmas tree in one state shultz’s movies or I might sit here and cry until the rapture comes. But this article was written by Jason Soroski who is a writer and musician. His bio at the end of the article states that he likes to “…[be] mindful of the small things that we may otherwise overlook in our everyday lives.”
I am with him on that. I do have an obsession on finding the “hidden” things that God has put before me to find if I will only go through the day, slow enough and mindful enough to see them. Which leads me back to Charlie Brown. Mr. Soroski states he noticed something in that classicA Charlie Brown Christmas that he had not noticed before. As you may or may not know, Linus never is without his blanket. In every cartoon he is either dragging that thing around or has it snuggled up to his left ear for comfort. During the scene in the cartoon where they are recreating the birth of Christ, Linus is ready for his big part. And in the cartoon you will notice that when he begins, he drops his blanket and and recites,
" [And the angel said unto them,] Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior
which is Christ the Lord. Luke 8:10-12
I agree with the Soroski that what Shultz did was simple and it was brilliant. And it is a reminder for us all to do that. Drop whatever security it is that you figuratively snuggle up to your ear and behold that we have a Savior who saves. One who is ultimately the best soft, blue blanket you can have. And He never wears out.
I am finding as my disease progresses, so does my anxiety. Quite truthfully about everything. I was never one much to fret but this whole cancer thing has taken more than my memory away – it has taken my ability to multi-task, I no longer have any logistical skills, my words don’t come when I am speaking (when you write, you can sit here for five minutes while the correct word works its way up from some dark netherworld in my brain). This all wears on Beloved both because I know I have lost these skills but I keep lamenting about it to him.
We are taking this big trip at the end of the month and besides taking all five kids, we are also taking all five dogs. ANXIETY!
- Take an inventory of the things that meant the most to you pre-cancer; decide what you can do or still want to do on that list and let the other things go; acknowledge that your life is different now and find peace with it as much as you can
- Accept offers of help – especially if they can take one of the items that you had crossed off the list from above as not being doable and let a friend or family member do it for you; people often want to help and don’t know how
- Be clear about how your are feeling; while everyone wants you around at all the functions, you will need to be upfront about what you can and cannot do; you may need a nap; you may need to excuse yourself early from an event; everyone will understand
- Let people know that living with cancer is like having a roller coaster in your living room; some days you feel great, some days you can’t brush your teeth; let family and friends know that each day is as much a surprise for you as it will be for them and then do what you can and do not ask for forgiveness for what you cannot
- Food being central to so many celebrations can be a nightmare for people with cancer. You don’t have to be on chemo to have a lack of appetite. Eat what you want. Leave what you don’t want. Do not feel embarrassed about it. For those of you without cancer, please do not push food on the person with cancer; don’t worry about what or if they are eating. There is nothing you can do to change their appetite. They wish it were that easy.
- Take time to be around those that give you happiness. Limit time with those who don’t understand what you are going through or who don’t agree with the way your are handling your treatments etc.
- A faithful reader just left a comment that is vitally important: if you have a cold, a drippy nose, cough etc., please do everyone a favor especially those of us who are immunocompromised and don’t visit until you are better. The slightest cold that you can get over in a couple of days could really make us sick and sick for a long time.
getting any sicker or from dying.
This time of year, though magical in many ways, puts strain on even the healthiest people. It can be overwhelming for those of us dealing with cancer.
I was never "fearless," but now I do have less fear. I have less fear about little things, less fear about speaking my mind, less fear about taking chances and less fear about what other people might think of me. I have one giant fear that trumps everything else and that puts it all in perspective.
My drive to get everything I can out of this life is much greater than all the little fears. We only get this one life (I think), so it only makes sense to grab on tight and get all the living you can out of it.
Love you all and God loves you too,
Shanna xoxo
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