Cabin Fever

I hate cancer with a passion! My cancer has decided to come back with a vengeance. I have a 2 CM nodule on my right side of my lung where they initially removed the first nodule. My oncologist is getting all of my films to make sure it has not spread to the other side. I will be starting chemo and radiation therapy soon. So that made my day totally suck. I cried like a big baby. I just do not understand how a 35 year old can get lung cancer. It really bothers me. I also have to see a gastrointestinal doctor because she is afraid that the cancer may have spread to my colon. I won't get into all the gruesome details as to why she thinks that, but to make a long story short, I have a lot of the symptoms of a colon cancer sufferer.

I've been away from work for quite sometime now and some of my friends have asked me how I spend my time. I always say, "it depends on how I feel." And although this is true, I realize how hard it is for others to understand how one day I can feel pretty decent and the next day I feel horrible. So...let's say I have four types of days: A, B, C, and D

• An A day is my least symptomatic. On these days, I can spend time with the kiddos teaching them all day, watching TV, or browsing the internet and actually forget there is anything wrong with me! I can do some 'normal' things like shopping. Unfortunately, since my neuropathy began, I have had less and less A days.
• A B day is a good day. Breathing takes some effort, but I am generally in good spirits about the whole thing. I can ride in the car comfortably, and I can shop with the help of my wheel chair.
• A C day is not fun. On these days, I feel under the weather, and it seems like my body is rubbing my face in the fact that I have lung cancer. I can leave the house if I push myself, but I'd rather not. Breathing is work, and sometimes I need to manage related side effects with additional medication.
• A D day really sucks. I won't leave the house, and I will rarely leave the bed. The worst part of these days is that I can rarely get comfortable. I feel like I have the flu. It takes a lot of effort to breathe, and I'm just plain miserable.

Of course, it's rarely this cut and dry. Sometimes I might have an awful morning but feel better in the evening.

While I just stopped taking the prednisone again and deal with the neuropathy, my distribution of days has been roughly:

• A=0%
• B=50%
• C=30%
• D=20%

With that understanding, I can answer the original questions: Am I bored? Do I get cabin fever? The short answer is not often. Boredom is something that happens when you feel good enough to do more, and you aren't doing it. In my case, I'm usually not doing more because I don't feel good enough. There have been a few days where I have had the "I need to get out of this house" jitters, but it doesn't happen often. Here are just a few things that keep me busy.

• Doctors appointments
• Calls to insurance companies
• Lung cancer research and forum participation
• Napping, teaching, social networking, blogging, loving on my kiddos, my hubby, and my pets

The distribution of these activities largely depends on how I feel. When I am having a better day, I enjoy going out to lunch with my mom. 

It is frustrating that I don't feel good enough to be more productive. But right now, my job is to rest and let my body try to fight this thing. If cancer has a silver lining, it is the ability to nap at will! :)

Love you all and truly mean it and God loves you too,

Shanna xoxoxo