My doctors appointments all went well. Dr. Nader (my pulmonary oncologist) cannot treat me here because I not only have lung cancer, but I also have the RBI-LD and the Pulmonary Fibrosis. He only treats lung cancer and is afraid of giving me something for my cancer that will only hurt me more. Although I love coming to CTCA, my primary cancer center will be UT Southwest. UT Southwest is equally amazing and will take great care of me. One more day here and then it's home!
World Cancer Day is tomorrow and I will be participating by writing words on my hands...along with my husband. We will be posting tons of pictures so be on the look out for that! You can participate in it too, and I would love to see your pictures on my blog! I will post the directions at the end of the blog. Also, please do not forget my blog challenge. I still need 11 people to do the challenge or I will not be able to post the responses on my blog. I will also post the instructions on that at the bottom of this blog as well.
Deciding which cancer treatment to go to was such an enormous decision for me. Many people have told me that "I have to make the right choice for me." It has been so hard to trust that, it has been so hard to know what to do.
I am constantly reminded of my early twenties when I constantly engaged in what I called "One false move thinking". I was always afraid I'd miss that one phone call or party or whatever. I was worried I would miss where my destiny laid and lose my chance at happiness. It was a ridiculous way to think, yet I spent years prostrate to this irrationality. I finally realized that happiness wasn't going to occur like some long awaited event but rather already resided within me waiting to be set free.
So here I stand at the threshold at the end of my life, unprepared and scared despite all of the forewarning. I keep thinking of Yogi Berra, "when you come to the fork in the road, take it." Yes, I must choose one way or the other. What Yogi didn't say is, "Don't look back." It's a recipe for misery to look at your past choices and think, "I should have done this. I should have done that." What's done is done. Perhaps, had I gone down a different path, things would have turned out differently, perhaps...but no-one really knows. I made what I thought was the best choice at the time and hindsight is always too late by definition.
My need to appear strong had been my hubris. I underestimated all the people in my life. When I let down my guard and admitted my sham, I had all the love and support that I could ever need or want. Shoulders caught my tears, friends began emailing and texting me, my family became closer to me, my children are my strength, and my husband and I are stronger than we ever have been. I am learning to accept that I am not and never was incredible. I am merely one woman, among many, doing everything in her power to love her children and live her life under unusual and difficult circumstances. I know I am not alone. All my sisters out there struggling with cancer, autoimmune disorders, depression, and a myriad of other diseases, you are not alone either. So, let that stiff upper lip quiver and you may just realize that you are loved beyond measure, even if, and maybe because you aren't incredible, <3
Blog Challenge: "How do I communicate with my friends and family about my cancer, and how do they cope with it?" I really cannot answer this question other than, I am very honest with all of them. My style has always been to be direct; even before cancer. But, I tell them the truth and expect that they are telling me their truth, too. My relationships with my closest friends and family are all intense. It's hard not to be when I have a pretty good feeling they are going to watch me die. And I'm very okay with that.
How they cope with my cancer is very hard for me to answer. So, here is my challenge to you. Over the next few weeks, I am asking my friends and family to send me snip-pets or notes letting me know how they cope with my cancer (thebrocks2001@att.net). I will post these notes one at a time on my blog as a reminder of why I fight. They say 1 in 14 will be diagnosed with lung cancer. That leaves 13 people who have to cope with their friend being diagnosed. I think this is a large enough group that is worthy to hear from.
Please send your notes either to the email address above or to my Facebook inbox. I am excited to hear from you!
World Cancer Day Challenge: Feb 4 is World Cancer Day...there are a few things we can do as a Foundation to trendjump on this national day of awareness. One of the things we can do is the "hands" photo with the hashtag #worldcancerdayor #WeCanICan we can should follow that with #ChangeLC @LUNGevity to raise awareness about lung cancer and our Foundation.
I hope you'll join me. Some of the things at the WCD website are quite fun! www.worldcancerday.org
LUNGevity National Hope Summit: I'm participating in an event to raise money to fight lung cancer—and I need your help!
I'm planning to attend LUNGevity Foundation's National HOPE Summit in Washington, DC, in May - it's a special conference just for lung cancer survivors like me. If I can raise $1000 or more in donations, LUNGevity will cover my travel expenses, including US round-trip transportation and hotel accommodations.
Proceeds from this fundraiser will benefit LUNGevity Foundation, the leading private provider of research funding for lung cancer. LUNGevity Foundation is firmly committed to making an immediate impact on increasing quality of life and survivorship of people with lung cancer by accelerating research into early detection and more effective treatments, as well as providing community, support, and education for all those affected by the disease.
Please join me in my efforts to stop lung cancer—the leading cancer killer—now! http://lungevity.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=15728
Official Prayer Warrior Facebook Page for my fight against lung cancer: www.facebook.com/hope4shanna
Official Blog Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/shannabananahealthandfitness
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