My pneumonia is kicking my ass today. I am running a 105 degree temp so we are attempting to get the fever down by medication and tons of tepid baths. Being sick on top of having lung cancer sucks. I do mean sucks. This is why I am writing this blog a little earlier than usual...because I am not sure how much longer I can stay awake today.
Cancer zaps your energy all by itself. There's no way around it and I certainly cannot run from it. I may have been dealing with cancer fatigue way before I was finally diagnosed with it. I say may because for an entire year, I have been extremely fatigued and I was just diagnosed in September. You have to respect the fatigue and sleep when you feel tired.
In the next several weeks, I will have to undergo a plethora of biopsies. One on my ovaries, one on my adrenal gland, and the new ones on my lungs. I am sure they will do a bone scan as well, now that it looks as though it is metastasizing to my bones.
Many people often ask me what they can do to help. While friends and family have done some truly spectacular things for me since my diagnosis, some of the most important and helpful things have been very small and extremely helpful. Like my mom bringing me an adult color book and books on staying positive, and my step-dad bringing me Olive Garden right after I got diagnosed. Here is a list of some other small acts of kindness that have made an enormous difference to me.
1. Respect the fatigue: Cancer and the treatment I am about to receive takes an enormous amount of energy. If I have visitors, understand that I may have to nap or sleep late. To stay in touch, choose e-mail, Facebook messages, and texting over phone calls whenever possible because these allow me to read or respond whenever I am up and coherent.
2. Do something for my family: Cancer overwhelms children and caregivers too. Take my husband out for dinner or lunch. Send the kiddos small gifts like coloring books through the mail (my kiddos love getting mail)! It is great for my kiddos to get extra special attention while mommy fights for her life. It helps them take their minds off of what is going on at home.
3. Listen: Let me say (or write, or text) whatever is on my mind, and don't discuss what you hear with anyone. I value a very small group of friends and family that I would like to call my "Snark Patrol". I text them when I am irritated or impatient. These are the people that make me laugh so hard that I feel better. And I know I can trust them not to broadcast my irritation and hurt other people's feelings.
4. Send a card (or a text, or an email): I know a lot of folks wish they could do more than "just" send a card, but do they even realize how nice it is to get a card in the mail when you don't feel good? It doesn't have to say much- in fact, less is often more. A pretty picture and
"I'm thinking of you" is really all that's necessary.
5. Send money: I am not begging for money by any means...but even $20.00 goes a long way in helping me cover the cost of medication..etc..etc. And if you don't trust your money in the mail, you can always make a small contribution on my go fund me page. gofundme.com/hope4shanna I promise, any amount helps relieve my stress level.
6. If you come by to visit offer to help me clean up the kitchen: Anytime I have visitors, I have to cook for them. It is what I do. But, they never offer to help me clean up the kitchen. With very limited energy, it is hard for me to cook, but even harder for me to clean up afterwards.
7. Offer child care: Sometimes, my appointments are on days when both my step-dad and my son have to work. They do not allow children under twelve in UT Southwestern. Also, I get admitted into the hospital quite a bit...so if you can, offer to help lessen that burden and help me out with the kiddos if you can.
This is just a small list of little things you can do to help me out if you want too. I just want people to know there are lots of little ways you can help me.
We use CaringBridge as a way to help our family and friends stay connected. My husband is the sole user of the account but if any of my friends want to be added as contributors, please let us know. There will be times when he simply cannot post, and it would take a huge burden off of him during those times to help with the CaringBridge and Facebook pages.
I have been keeping a running "wish list", that way if people ask me if there is anything I need, I can tell them. One thing I am attempting to learn is crocheting. I am looking for any type of crocheting tools. Also, I am in desperate need of new comfy pajamas and fuzzy slippers as well as an afghan for when I have chemo. These are pretty much the only things I have on my wish list besides writing tools and new colored pencils and crayons. I am trying to get all crafty during the times I am resting and not teaching the kids.
Tomorrow, since it is so close to Thanksgiving, I am going to write a grateful list. Patients with cancer often need simple reminders to keep us going. Some days we may have difficulty seeing the upside of anything, especially when the cancer begins progressing and we are waiting on our bodies to be healthy enough for treatment. On such days, we need to be creative and write a unique list to our own values. That is what I will be working on tonight...and probably write it in the morning (who knows, I may surprise you all and do a twofer).
The holiday season can be difficult for cancer patients and their loved ones. It's tough to be merry while dealing with cancer and all the crap that comes with it. For instance, I typically make the majority part of Thanksgiving dinner since my mom has trouble with her back and my step-dad has trouble breathing. I can no longer do those things and it kills me. It is also tough because we all wonder if I will be here next year to enjoy all of the holidays with them.
I have hit a low point...and so close to Thanksgiving, too. I have bronchial pneumonia and found out that my cancer may be spreading to my bones. My energy has waned drastically. My cough has increased stirring more fears about what is going on with this cancer.
My holiday miracle this year will be spending time with my family, away from distractions of everyday lives. It is going to be a truly wonderful holiday season with my family. I plan on forgetting anything cancerish during the holidays.
I am not letting go of hope. It is all that I have, but it is time I face the facts of my cancer. Please send up a prayer for me...I see my oncologist again on Wednesday and I really hope that she will tell me the ER doctor and Oncologist were wrong. I am ready for good news for once.
Thank you all for supporting me in this journey. And thank you God for giving me this life, and every day I get to wake up and be with the people I love. It is because of You that I can face tomorrow, because You live. Like the song says, "Life is worth the living because He lives".
Maybe now I can sleep.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/shannabrock2
facebook.com/hope4shanna
gofundme.com/hope4shanna
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