The first night we arrived, I had to go to infusion to get a breathing treatment, an IV, and a CT Scan. They left the IV in which makes it really convenient for the nerve block that I am going to have done tomorrow. Tomorrow is a really big day for me. Tomorrow I meet with all of my doctors and we figure out a treatment plan....Finally!
Ya know what? I'm really looking forward to a new start, A fresh beginning. I just need something. It must go right!
Could I be stuck in a dark comedy? The Twilight Zone? Twin Peaks (no guys not the restaurants)?
I am reading a great book by Joel Olsteen called "The Power of I AM's". Do you realize how difficult it is to change how we say everything? Do you realize we invite everything in by what we say? For instance, if we say we are such a failure, then we are inviting nothing but failure into our lives. But, if we say we are prosperous and successful, then, we are inviting success into our lives. And I am trying so hard to change my "I AM's" but it is so hard to just give it to God....because ultimately that is what we are doing.
Since I have been at CTCA, the invisible shroud of sadness induced exhaustion that I had been wearing for weeks has seemed to vanished; just like that.
I am sure this is common practice, for a cancer center to take the heat with a patient's best interest in mind. I want it to be if it is not. Cancer sucks.
Knowing when we need to hit the reset button is important. The bummer is we usually notice when it is a few weeks overdue- once the reserves are tapped. Over the next few weeks, I am determined to restore and rebuild. I can hardly wait to see what appears out of nothing.
When I first started writing, I just wrote poetry. I used to love the sentiment behind prose and poetry, but little did I know the words simply did not describe the full extent of the emotion I was feeling.
I have been trying to write the perfect prose for my darling husband for the past fourteen years. I cannot. The words will not come. How do you create a poem and sum up a love like ours? This man is the cool breeze in the morning...and the blanket that warms me at night. He is EVERYTHING I could've only dreamed of being.
One thing about me that I have not shared with all of you: I am extremely hard on myself. When I see my therapist, I hope she can help me with this (and of course the book I am reading by Joel Olsteen). Seriously, you have no idea how mean I am to me. Being hard on myself has been how I have achieved almost everything I have in life.I always expected a lot of myself though not in a mean way. I just set my standards high. It was functional for a long time, but now it has morphed into a process of self flagellation that is making a bad situation worse.
I thought that to try to figure out our place in this world, in the history of the world is like looking at one Polaroid photo and trying to construct an entire life from that one simple picture. It's not possible. And I don't think it is possible for us to know or even have an inkling of why we are here, individually or collectively. All we know is, we are here for now. And that just needs to be enough to inspire us to be the best that we can be for each other and ourselves.
P.S. LUNGevity is desperately looking for volunteers, so if Social Media is your thing, please go to www.LUNGevity.org/sma and sign up! It is totally free to join! See you on the platforms!
Love you all and truly mean it,
Shanna xoxoxo
I'm participating in an event to raise money to fight lung cancer—and I need your help!
I'm planning to attend LUNGevity Foundation's National HOPE Summit in Washington, DC, in May - it's a special conference just for lung cancer survivors like me. If I can raise $1000 or more in donations, LUNGevity will cover my travel expenses, including US round-trip transportation and hotel accommodations.
Proceeds from this fundraiser will benefit LUNGevity Foundation, the leading private provider of research funding for lung cancer. LUNGevity Foundation is firmly committed to making an immediate impact on increasing quality of life and survivorship of people with lung cancer by accelerating research into early detection and more effective treatments, as well as providing community, support, and education for all those affected by the disease.
Please join me in my efforts to stop lung cancer—the leading cancer killer—now!
facebook.com/hope4shanna Check out our Prayer Warrior Page!!!
https://www.facebook.com/shannabananahealthandfitness/?ref=aymt_homepage_panel My personal blog page on Facebook
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