Tick Tock

   There is constant clock ticking in my mind.

      Tick...Tock...Tick....Tock

   Living on borrowed time...

     Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock

   I've passed my expiration date.

     Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock

   The thing that scares me the most, that threatens to tear me away from my family, lives inside my body.

     Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock

   One day, my luck is going to run out.

     Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock

   Ya know what sucks? Having your future torn away from you when you were just getting started living, when things were looking so bright. And when you have a house full of children counting on you. 

   (They're still counting on me.)

   So what do you do?

   You dust yourself off, take stock of what you still CAN do, where you still CAN play an important role, what dreams you STILL dare to dream.

   Right now I am alive.

   Right now, I still have time.

  

     Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock

   Right now, I have time to plan for my family's future, to get things in place to take care of them in case I am no longer around. 

   Life takes unexpected turns. You adjust. You make the best of it. You still dare to dream big.

   This is the only life you get. Even if it is cut drastically short.

   So you shift gears. And dream.

   And ask for help.

   You.

   Yes, you sitting at your computer. You staring at your phone. I'm talking to you.

   You know all those times you have read my blog and asked yourself what you could do to help? 

   Now's your chance.

   I need your help!

   I need you to pray for my family...I need you to get down on your knees and pray that my cancer can be treated in other ways besides surgery all of the time. I need you to pray for my healing. I am not asking for much, just prayers. Challenge your friends to pray.

   Tell your friends why it matters.

   Because sometimes life is super crappy, unfair, and horrible. But you know what makes it bearable? The people. The people who pick you up when you feel like all is lost. The people who allow you to hope for better days. The people who give you the strength to dream. The people like you.

     Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock

   People ask me, "How do you cope?" I don't really know the answer, other than I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. But of course, it is not all my doing. I have had times when everything felt like too much and it has been difficult for me to imagine how I could possibly go on. I have been incredibly fortunate to have people in my life, like my mom and husband, who have helped pick up my feet when the next steps seemed impossible.

   Everyone of us has a breaking point. If we are lucky, we have someone who can guide us through it and help put the pieces back together again.

   If you knew that your time was limited, wouldn't you spend it doing things you love, and spending time with the most important people in your life? When it comes down to it, all that matters is the people you get to meet, spending time with the ones you love, and bringing joy into the world. Everything else is pointless.

   Here are some sobering facts about lung cancer:

• Lung cancer is the second leading cause of all deaths in the U.S.
• Lung cancer kills almost 2 x's as many women as breast cancer and 3 x's as many men as prostate cancer.
• Lung cancer in never smokers is 6th leading cause of US cancer deaths.

   And yet, I choose to remain hopeful and have faith in God. Things are always evolving in cancer research. If I would've been diagnosed with lung cancer a few years earlier, I wouldn't be here today. I will persevere and win this battle...because I have to. I will survive because I am stubborn and I don't give up. And I will live a long and happy life because of all of your prayers and love.

   Love and Stuff,

   Shanna <3