Now, I no longer mourn the passing days of their childhood. I have always been sad when my children would have birthdays and grow up. I could not bare the thought of them getting older. Now, instead of sadness, I feel a twinge of relief and a boatload of joy, for each one is another moment that I am still here to experience. It is as if the faster they grow, the more of their lives I will get to see. As if they could only grow fast enough, they might outpace my cancer.
I look at my oldest son and see him growing into a gorgeous man who is learning adult responsibilities and is one of my best friends. We do so much together. We make a great team.
I see the feisty spirit of my little girl, despite her disability, and her focus and determination resonate in my soul; it's the same fire that burns in me. Looking in her eyes is like looking in a mirror, and I dream of the woman she will be one day.
I look at my youngest son and I see his sweet little baby face disappearing before my very eyes, and glimpses of the young man he will become peek out at me. He is definitely a lover...as he likes cuddling and hugging his mama. He is a sweet soul.
These fleeting moments....
I think of young women whose dreams of being parents have been cut short by cancer. I think of the young children whose futures have been erased by this disease. I think of all the moms and dads with cancer who have left the world, leaving small children to grow up without them.
I think of all this, and I celebrate my children growing up. Because I am so proud of the people they are becoming. Because they bring me so much joy. And because I am still here to experience it.
I would like to thank God for listening to my prayers. He knows how badly I want to be here for my sweet adoring children. And thank all of my prayer warriors and supporters that have praying for me. Please don't stop! My faith in the power of our Lord and Savior is still strong...even with my diagnosis. None of us are alone, we are all in this together with Him.
I think a lot of suffering is a test to our faith in God. Faith doesn't always mean you will live or things will go as you planned. Trust me...I know this firsthand. When my cousin was in a car accident and was in a coma, I traveled five hours thinking that if he heard my voice he would wake up and be okay. I had so much faith. He passed away...he was suffering too much to survive. But, my whole family became closer...and I believe that was what our faith was meant to do in that situation. Faith means that you believe He knows what He is doing. There is a reason for everything. It doesn't mean we have to be happy about it, but we can do the best we can to accept it. Life can change so quickly, I cannot emphasize that enough. Please don't worry about the little things and tell your loved ones how much they are loved every day. You never know when it will be your last.
I still have my faith and continue to believe that all of this is part of God's plan for me, wherever that may take me. We all have our trials and tribulations, but are never alone, even in our darkest hour.
Please check out some pages of mine....the first one is for our Go Fund Me Account. Kevin's insurance covers most of the treatment, but it doesn't cover all. Also, we are driving out of state for my treatments so any donation would go a long way in relieving the burden of stress in how we will continue to pay for travel and treatment.
The second link is for our Facebook Page so you can keep up with my journey and blogs....and get helpful information on my disease...as well as learn about cancer research.
The final link is for my Caring Bridge page that my husband is managing. Love you all mean it!
https://www.gofundme.com/hope4shanna
https://www.facebook.com/hope4shanna?fref=ts
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/shannabrock2?tb=g_fb
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
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