Patience: I have always been notorious for being impatient. Everything had to happen right now or it was never going to happen. Living with these illnesses, forces one to learn patience. Nothing moves quickly in the sick world. You are constantly waiting on answers, lab results, treatments, phone calls, in doctor's offices, and waiting for the insurance company to approve all of these procedures and treatments. So, I am grateful that I have learned how to have patience.
Perfectionism is not Important: I cannot do everything the exact way I want to anymore. For the longest time, I became overwhelmingly frustrated by the limitations of my illnesses. There are many days when I cannot even get out of the bed. Even doing one or two things during the day has become a major victory for me. My ego wants to excel, but my body and my unstable mind simply won't let me. So, I have realized that I am perfectly imperfect and that is okay.
Allowing Others to Help Me: I have learned to lean on others for support when I need it. I much prefer to be independent, and have always been strong-minded. But, when the chips are down (and they have been more than not), I have learned to ask for help and to let others take care of me. I especially thank my KB, my kids, and my mom and step-dad for that.
Not all Medical Professionals are Trustworthy: I have been misdiagnosed, given the wrong treatments, wrongly advised, and given the wrong medications that actually made matters worse. Now, I trust my body's clear messages and inner voice over the advice of any medical professional. And, I am lucky to have an aunt who has been an RN for many years whom I can go to to verify any advice a medical professional has given to me.
Compassion: I have always been compassionate towards people, but I used to be envious of those who seemed to have more than I had. Those who seemed to have life easier than me...I was jealous of them. I now know and understand that we are all struggling in our own ways. The more I look and listen, the more I realize we all have problems, we all suffer, and we are all learning from our challenges. We are all beautiful, and we are all in this together. I try to be kind to everyone I meet. No matter how I am feeling, I can at least smile and acknowledge each person's humanity and divinity.
Pacing Myself: I have learned to pace myself. Pushing myself makes my illnesses push back, ten-fold. I tend to be driven, over-zealous. I know now that I am no longer in the driver's seat. This particular experience of being alive forces me into the passenger seat. So, I have to listen to my body always and pace myself accordingly. "Spoonie Life"
Letting Go: I have learned to let go of the many "should of's" and "have to's" of life. Not because I want to, but because I have to. I used to be ambitious, with a strong, people-pleasing streak, and would do things to impress others. Now, I am forced to live for myself and my family only. I am forced to understand that if people do not like me, that is not my problem. I cannot make people like me or accept me. I can only live for my family and myself...and that is all I have the energy for.
Faith and Hope: The biggest thing that these illnesses have taught me is to be stronger in my faith and have hope that everything will work out according to God's plan. I pray more. I read the Bible more. I talk to God every-day. I have become closer to God and I am so grateful that I have let Him back into my life. I listen to nothing but Christian music. I need the hope...I need the faith. I need God now more than ever. And I feel Him in my veins. He is always with me.
Everything is okay. It's all going to be fine. Nothing is more important than your health. Let go of the past- you did your best. It's all over and done. Let go of the future- life is unfolding and evolving naturally. Everything will take place in its own time. Be here now. Be fully present in this moment. Here and now, everything is all right. Allow yourself to relax. Do nothing. Just be. You are a human being, not a human doing. Let yourself relax. Let go. Be well.
Whether we want to believe it or not, we are all in a relationship with each other. We are all imperfect. We are all evolving and learning each and every day that we are alive. And we are learning at our own pace. We are all beautiful. We are all struggling with challenges. Everyone has something they are dealing with. If you are doing well, help out someone who isn't. If you're not doing well, reach out to someone who is. All together, no "something" is too tough to manage. All together, we can handle everything.
God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.
-- by Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)
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