Embrace Imperfection

   I spent my day with Kevin...we had some valuable time, just the two of us together. It was nice getting out of the house for once (even though I am not supposed to). I enjoyed just feeling, I don't know, free...I guess. We don't really appreciate the little things until even the little things become too hard. Things are so different between us now. I cannot even describe the difference. I guess when love is supposed to happen, it always finds a way. And that's the thing with us, we always find our way back to each other. I think our love was one that was truly written in the stars...or God's divine plan. Somehow, we always manage to make things work even when "things" seem impossible. He is my calm. He is my positive outlet. It doesn't matter what kind of day I have had, he always seems to make me smile, if even for a moment. I am lucky enough to say that I have found my soulmate. So, today was a GLORIOUS day! 
   I get to see my therapist tomorrow. I have been waiting two weeks to unload all of these emotions and make some sense out of my fears. My mom said that I should break down my fears one by one, that way, they don't seem quite so scary. I think when a person loses control of a part of their body and physical functioning, it becomes easy to push others away. Which, is something I am notorious for. I want to be brave and handle everything on my own.This gives people, namely me, a sense that I am still in control of something. Recently, I discovered that this is something that can and should be considered as a negative coping mechanism. While it is not necessarily useful, I do see the logic used in considering to adopt it.
   I learned that when I hide everything inside, I am basically stuffing all of my emotions and feelings in a tissue box...and once that tissue box is full, then the only place for the tissues to go is outside. So, then I end up having a breakdown. I realized that hiding all of this inside was going to get me nowhere, with others or myself. And eventually, in the game of life, our hand is revealed. We can only conceal the cards we play for so long. I think for me,sooner than later proved to be beneficial. I vacillate, day-to-day, sometimes hour-to-hour about how I feel and what is happening in my life. But, I don't do it alone. There are people there to help me. And there will always be those, no matter what limitations we face, that aren't going to be accepting. I learned that those are the people I need to purge from my life.
   In order to truly embrace people's imperfections, you, yourself, have to be imperfect (and embrace it). Illness makes us more compassionate people than we were before (if that's even possible for me). We are more accepting of others. I think until we have walked a mile in the shoes of others, we cannot truly judge them. Besides, there is only one judge..and He is also the jury. The thing is, the way we are is what makes us who we are. It makes us the reason why we are unique and exist in this world.