There are some people in my life that seem to take offense to every little thing I post on Facebook, especially if I am not constantly thanking them for their help. We are grown-ups, these people should know just how much I appreciate everything they do for me, yet, when I post something about someone else, they take offense and get hurt. Really? Grow up! I am extremely grateful to everyone who takes time to help my family...be it with groceries, a ride, use of a car, money, help with doctor's appointments, etc. I had no idea I had to post my gratefulness 24/7, but some people cannot grow up enough to understand there are other people in my life that also want to help me and love me too.
Since I have had cancer, I am less tolerant of some things and more tolerant of others. Whining and drama are things I am obviously less tolerant of. I do not have time to deal with the incessant need to make me feel bad just because you feel insecure. I have told you a million times just how grateful I am for you. And that should be sufficient.
Cancer has taught me so much about life...what's important and what is not. The important things in life are simple: my family and God. Fighting, drama, the constant need for control, and getting upset at the tiniest of things are just a few instances of examples that are not important, especially now.
I want people to remember me by my vitality, not my illness. I want to be remembered for my life. When I die, I want my family to make it a hell of a big party, the kind of party that I will always be remembered by. What is remembered when you die? What is the measure of a person?
I would hope that people would see me as the person who always offered advice, the person who was always grateful, the person you could always go to for a laugh...not anything less than that. It's not the money you've amassed, or the papers you wrote, or the number of deals you closed. It's the change you have made. It's the number of people in the church celebrating your life and saying good-bye, it's the over 87,000 times that people have read about your life and the impact you made, it's the friends you've created along the journey willing to do anything, absolutely anything, because of who you are. That's what I want when I die. So, please...quit trying to make me less of a person. I love you, and you know that.
I want each one of you to know, whether you played a leading or secondary role in my life, or merely had a cameo appearance, thank you for being a part of it. Sometimes even the most quixotic of meetings are life-changing.
When I pass, I hope that you do not feel sad for me. I have had a good life. The fact that I want more of it is merely a testament to how much I have enjoyed the ride so far. I have a great family that supports me and loves me...even supported my dreams, even if sometimes that meant losing me. I have one big brother that taught me often and well to roll with life's punches, literally and figuratively, and who took pride in my accomplishments that I could never bother to muster. I have cousins who treated me like siblings...some even going so far as threatening old boyfriends. One who was my everything....whom I miss dearly. Aunts and uncles who would give me the shirt off their back if it meant saving my life. I grew up in small town Sweetwater, Texas where I learned not only to appreciate what I had but also the value of hard work. I will never forget where I am from. I had a grandma that gave me everything...taught me everything....played with me...she was my whole world. I am very blessed and so is my life.
Throughout my life, I have enjoyed the benefits of wonderful friendships. My friends from adolescence: Peggy Sue, Stacy, Angelia, Steven, Willene, Patricia, Seven...have been with me through it all (although, Peggy Sue died way too young and I miss her so much), and at times, their love and support carried me. Had I known working at Wal-Mart would set in motion one of the greatest friendships of my life---Toni---I might have stayed working there longer (no probably not). In Toni, I found the sister that I never had. We did everything together. She even found my husband for me...not even kidding. There have been so many friends along the way---too many to name, but you know who you are---who have made my life a richer experience. I have found two amazing Sisters in Christ, Jenny and Chris whom I love dearly. And, then more recently, my new found friend, Debbie. Then, there are all my Facebook Friends that I am dying to meet, Cheryl and Owen are two of my favorite people. I cannot even name all of you...but just know I love you all. The list goes on and on. My life would have been hollow without these relationships.
I married the love of my life whom I met at Denny's through my best friend Toni. He is my best friend. We are kindred spirits. He balances me perfectly. He has caused me to laugh so hard to cause pain and nearly pee my pants. I am able to say that I knew the love of a wonderful man who accepted me unconditionally under less than ideal circumstances. I never doubted his love for even a second (even though he thinks I have). He has been my rock and my safe haven.
I had three wonderful, beautiful children who showed me the wonders of the world through unjaded eyes. The peace I experienced holding them as infants was otherworldly. As they grew, I grew with them. Rearing them made me a better human being. They have been my life's greatest joy, and leaving them will be my life's greatest pain.
I think regrets are worth mentioning, maybe something can be gleaned from them. I wish I kept performing even though I was only good enough to be in the chorus. I wish I had worked less. I wish I had been more gentle with people's hearts; I wish I had read more books; I wish I had done more for those less fortunate; I wish I had listened more and talked less.
In some ways it is a privilege to die slowly. We have so much time to adjust and prepare. I have wonderful people in my life...and it is because of these wonderful people that I believe and feel confident that Kevin, Damion, Kaitlyn, and Tristan will not only survive my death but thrive despite of it.
In some weird way, I feel lucky. I realize now that I will really never leave. My children, husband, family, and friends will carry them with me in their hearts and their memories. Perhaps this is eternal life.
Love you all...mean it,
Shanna xoxoxo
http://lungevity.donordrive.com/index.cfm? fuseaction=donordrive.participant&participantID=15728
I'm participating in an event to raise money to fight lung cancer—and I need your help!
I'm planning to attend LUNGevity Foundation's National HOPE Summit in Washington, DC, in May - it's a special conference just for lung cancer survivors like me. If I can raise $1000 or more in donations, LUNGevity will cover my travel expenses, including US round-trip transportation and hotel accommodations.
Proceeds from this fundraiser will benefit LUNGevity Foundation, the leading private provider of research funding for lung cancer. LUNGevity Foundation is firmly committed to making an immediate impact on increasing quality of life and survivorship of people with lung cancer by accelerating research into early detection and more effective treatments, as well as providing community, support, and education for all those affected by the disease.
Please join me in my efforts to stop lung cancer—the leading cancer killer—now!
No comments:
Post a Comment