My youngest was invited by the pastor to do the Offeratory Prayer. I was in tears. He read that prayer so well...almost like he knew it by heart. Then, it was time for them to put on their production. My daughter was an angel (was there ever any doubt) and my youngest was a wise man (suits him perfectly). They did excellent jobs reading their parts and singing the Christmas Songs. Damion even went with us to church which completely shocked me.
Then, as soon as I made it home, I fell asleep. I slept until almost 4 in the afternoon. I guess I was a little more tired than I had first thought. It was a good thing I woke up when I did because a friend of mine that I had known in Sweetwater came to visit me today with her family. They had been trying to get in contact with me, but I was asleep.
She brought me a nice fuzzy blanket, a minion coloring book with crayons, and carnations. She knows me so well! It was nice catching up with her and meeting her family. It's almost like we started right where we left off.
Something must be off with the universe because I have had three visitors in the past two days! Nobody ever comes to visit me! I feel special now.
I have felt worse today than I have in a while. I am so glad my hubby is off tonight. Something just feels off. I feel like I am standing on the outside of my body watching all of my movements in slow motion.
For the most part, having cancer really sucks. I've done my best to incorporate my diagnosis into my life, constantly trying to gain, regain or maintain my "life's balance". Not surprisingly, having a significant illness has made me more keenly aware of my relationships, including the value of my friendships. Although I still love meeting new people, I am very sentimental, emotional, and protective of the circle of friends I have now. These are the people that remind me of my roots, define who I am, help me achieve the balance I'm always striving for, and make having cancer less sucky. I am grateful you're all in my life.
I am going on four months since my lung cancer diagnosis and it is such a scary and confusing time. I have had to be forced to learn information I didn't want to know. I had and still have so many questions and am still to this day, fearful of the answers. Some questions that I have had, I asked or looked up right away, while others I decided not to search because I was unprepared for the answers. It has now been about four months since I was found to have cancer. I still sometimes feel like I am in the middle of a nightmare and will soon wake up.
Four months from diagnosis is a poignant time for me. One of the questions I searched, with great trepidation several weeks after my diagnosis was established was, "How long do people with Stage IV Adenocarcinoma of the Lung live?" I found two answers online. One online source said, "Six to 12 months", and another source said, "The median life expectancy is eight months" meaning that after eight months after diagnosis half the patients are alive, the other half are dead. Being at 4 months feels like being somewhere around 1/2 of the way there to these online predictions.
No doubt, these past four months have been, physically and emotionally, the most difficult months of my life. Not only have I been through the wringer, but my illness has put everyone close to me through the wringer, too. It continues to be so painful to watch my husband, children, mother and step-father, brother and sister-in-law, extended family and friends walk this journey alongside with me.
However, despite the deadlines I found online, (pun intended), I don’t feel like I’m halfway to the end.
These past four months have also demonstrated to me the power and strength of the mind, body and spirit triad. I’ve always felt the need to nurture each component, equally, because I feel they are all equally important to being a healthy, well-balanced woman. What I have learned during the first four months of my journey is that having nurtured all parts of the triad and working to try to make each part as strong as possible, when one component was letting me down…my body… the other two parts were able to step in to assist. At a time when I was so worried that my body was going to fail me all together, my mind and spirit told me that I needed to face my cancer challenge, head on. My mind and spirit reminded me that my fight wasn’t just for me, but also for Kevin, my children, and my mom.
My mind and spirit reminded me that I still have unmet dreams.
Love Always,
Shanna, xoxoxo
Love Always,
Shanna, xoxoxo
Saying a prayer for you right now that God will give you strenght and continued courage to keep fighting! I'm so glad you were able to go to church and watch your beautiful children serve the Lord! I can only imagine how proud they must have felt knowing you were watching them. What a beautiful memory for all of you. I know you are so uncertain of your future and the time that you have here on earth...I can not even imagine your burden and fears but please keep on keepin' on! Miracles happen every day and we are praying for a miracle! God is holding you in His precious arms and He will strengthen you. Psalm 57:1, Philippians 4:13 and most important Romans 12:12. Prayers for you and your precious family.
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